I’m sitting here after everything that happened this weekend and doing my best to process it all. At one point I was literally expecting to wake up because I had had so many dreams where things like this go down. Then I wake up and feel so bummed because I never really experienced it at all. Well this time I didn’t wake up. It was all real and better than any dream that I could have ever had.
It all started with a tweet. In this instance and really the whole situation all together. So let’s start there. My favorite band for the longest time now has been Lemuria. They fell on my ears when I was looking for something new. I was kinda at a point where I had been listening to the same old thing for a long time. So a friend of mine gave me this record titled “Get Better.” I had heard of the band before but just never got around to listening to them. They had me with opening track “Pants.” It was so different than anything that I had ever heard before. I listened and sang along to it non-stop. I found out they were coming to town pretty soon so I was excited to see them live. That’s when the tweets started. It started with just a like “hey I love your band, and I’ll see you guys at the show tonight.” Then ever since then I would tweet them from time to time and they would tweet back! It got to the point to where their drummer Alex would recognize me at the shows just from Twitter. We’d chat for a bit. I’d watch their set, buy some merch, and tell them I’d see them next time. It was always so exciting to go to their shows and sing along to all of my favorite songs. There’s nothing I look forward to more than when I see they’re coming to town.
So a little less than a month ago I saw that they were going to do a record release plus an in-store show here in Austin. I knew they’re bass player Max lived here so I figured they would probably been in town the whole week in preparation. I thought this would be a better time than ever to have them come be on our show (podcast). So I tweeted Alex asking them if they’d be interested. If anything, I just wanted to throw it out there and didn’t know if they would be able to or not. He replied “sound good!” I can’t explain how I excited I was. I had just came home from work and was about to take a nap when I got the tweet. I instantly jumped to my feet and started pacing across the apartment. I called my brother who had just gone into work and told him with all my excitement. I couldn’t believe it. I started to prepare and work out all the details in my head. I couldn’t even prepare myself for how it was going to go down.
We set the date for Friday which was the day of their in-store at Waterloo records. We walked up and saw Sheena first. She instantly recognized us and greeted us as we walked into the building. We hung out. Watched their set which was short but probably my favorite I’ve seen. Then we talked a bit after and told them we’d see them tonight. They were so nice to us. It felt like their were our old friends or something.
So we went home and got everything ready. I felt like a lot of my nerves were taken away after how cool they were with us at the record store. I felt like it was just going to be a chat with friends like it normally it is. Then once they came in and sat down and we started the show the nerves came back. When I do the show I never feel any nerves. It’s one of the few places where I actually feel confident and able to express myself. But when you’re favorite band is sitting right there. Two people who influence a big part of your life and have for a while…well it can be a little nerve racking. When the show started you could here it in my voice as I jumbled over my words a bit but I think I eventually held it together. The guys did tell me that I was shaking at some point. I don’t know I guess I probably was. But we had a really fun time and talked about some fun things. Then after they even played a song for us. They actually played my FAVORITE song which was incredible. My favorite band…. playing a favorite song……just a few feet away from me…..to be a part of our show. That’s something that should have never been. But it happened.
We talked after with them like I said before it was as if were had been friends for a long time. They are just so genuinely nice people. And I don’t mean they are nice for being “musicians” No, I mean they are some of the nicest people I have ever met ever. They even brought me a gift! I couldn’t process all of the events.
We saw them again the next night at their record release show. It was just the icing on the cake. I really still can’t believe it. I’m sitting here right now listening to their new album and thinking about it some more. I just wanted to have this all typed down for documentation purposes. So I can go back and remember one of the best weekends ever. This is one of those things that I will truly never forget.
Today didn’t feel real. Everything happened so fast just like in a dream. It was a day of highs and lows. At the beginning of the morning it was all a celebration. A party among friends and fellow fans. There were people everywhere with smiles as they wished the show the best. Listeners piled up with signs showing their support for the show and hoping for a chance to be let in the studio to share a moment on this monumental day. But as the morning proceeded everyone became more and more aware that we were nearing the end.
9am came faster than we thought it would. The final segment was here. The studio was cleared of everyone but the members of the show. One by one they gave their final speeches. Everyone choked on the hardest words fighting back the tears. Every word was sincere. I could feel a lightness in my chest developing as I saw each show member walk out of the studio. Even I had to fight back the tears. I closed my mouth tight keeping my jaw locked. I opened my eyes as wide as I could to keep it all in. I had been there a fraction of the time as the rest of the members of the show so I can only imagine how they felt at the time.
Everyone walked out and Bobby remained in the studio alone and delivered the most sincere moment in radio I have ever heard. This was not just some radio host talking into a microphone and doing a show. This was a real person expressing his true feelings. Moments he had experienced over the years and shared with an audience. Every good and bad day. It was a speech that got to everyone. The emotion in his voice pulled at everyone’s heart. They brought sadness but also gave everyone something to smile about.
And this is how the show came to an end….well not a real end. The show’s not over. They’re not dying, though to so many that’s almost how it feels. But instead they are starting something new. Something really exciting! But it’s such a big change that takes on lots of emotional attachment. It’s hard. No matter how much joy you feel for the future and the beginning of something new it still means it’s the end of something. The ending of something meaningful. You still have to make those hard goodbyes that make you spill some tears…But of course these feelings are only temporary. Change is a part of life and is not always easy. So we allow ourselves time to be sad. We allow ourselves to cry but at the same time knowing that everything will be okay. In this case, everything is about to get really good. But you gotta make it through these tough days to get to the great ones.
The news of the Bobby Bones Show moving to Nashville is still setting in. Like most people my reaction was my jaw dropping straight to the floor. It’s incredible news. I haven’t really been able to express it into words so I decided to write it all out for anyone who cares to read about my relationship and journey with The Bobby Bones Show.
A little back story first….I started interning for the show back in August of 2010. I had just moved to Austin and had been listening to the show for about a year. I was hooked after the first time I turned them on driving to school. I still remember exactly what they were talking about. From there my interest in the show turned into an addiction. I listened to it ALL THE TIME, I stalked them on social media, and watched their entire Youtube catalog. I talked about the show to people like I actually knew them and they were my friends or something. Then one day I decided to email Bobby. At that time I was looking to start my own podcast and I asked him for some tips on how to make it sound good. He replied and suggested that I should just come sit in on the show and see how it runs. I was so excited! I was going to meet Bobby Bones! I went in one morning and it all went by so fast. They were all really cool. Then after talking to some of the interns that day, I decided I would try and intern for the show. I got an interview with Alayna and started about a week after. I was pumped.
A little about me now…..I was probably one of the last people you would expect to go intern for a morning talk radio show. I had this strange social anxiety that came off as me being really shy and untalkative. It was rough at first. You take this nerdy socially awkward kid fresh out of high school and put him in a situation where he has to learn to communicate with people on a daily basis. Like I said it was rough! And I still don’t know exactly what potential Alayna saw in me but for some reason she didn’t give up on me. I gave it some time and it started to develop. I made friends with the other interns and learned what it took to make it there. Then I kinda got good at it and started to really like it. My initial internship period ended but I didn’t want to leave so I found a way to stick around.
I started to learn so much about radio, producing, and entertainment in general. I took everything they threw at me. I saw it all as opportunity. I guess around this point they saw I could handle it so I did more and more training until I was able to take on more of a role by helping produce the show. I loved it. I started coming in 5 days a week and I didn’t even mind the hours. I was actually excited to wake up early in the morning to go and work. It started to just become a part of me. It was a lot of fun. I never knew what each day would bring. It could be anything from recording a parody with Bobby, working with Amy on a video, going around town with Lunchbox on a stunt and even getting on-air from time to time. There was always something different. I developed relationships with everyone on the show and we all worked really well together. It’s really as the Facebook page description reads “a bunch of friends and some interns hanging out. trying to be funny”
After 2 years of working as an intern for the show I came across on opportunity. Bobby had always been pulling for me to get a job there at the station and finally something came up. It was too bitter sweet much like today. In order to start my new job at the station I could no longer intern for the show. It sucked I didn’t want to leave but I took comfort in the fact that they would still be there down the hall and I could stop by whenever I wanted. I was also excited to learn that I was there go to whenever Alayna was out, I would fill in as producer. So I still got to work with them and this time I was actually making a little money! Haha! People always say something along the lines of find a job that you would do for free. Well I found it and did it for 2 years! There were so many awesome days and I have the luxury of having it all documented in hours and hours of podcasts.
But I can’t say enough how much they helped me out. Not only with landing a job in radio but with me being more of the person I want to be. Like I said I started working there fresh out of high school. I didn’t really know “who I was” or what I wanted to do. And now if it’s one thing they’ve taught me it’s to just be yourself no matter what or how different that is from everyone else. If you look at the show everyone is so different but I think that’s why it works so well. No matter who you are stick with that and don’t let up on the things you like. If you’re a muscle pumping, girl chasing, protein guzzling bro then be that. Or if you’re some nerd who plays guitar and watches the Simpsons way too much then be that too!
So with all that it brings me to what I at first didn’t want to accept. It’s hard to see something that you love and people that mean a lot to you move away. But it’s all about looking at the bigger picture! While working for the show I knew that it was going to be huge. I saw it grow so much while I was there. I saw how everything developed from when Bobby landed the gig on Live with Kelly, to signing the major syndication deal, to getting on in St. Louis and now moving on to Nashville. I knew Bobby and the show would constantly be moving forward. I’m so grateful that I was able to be a part of it. And right now it’s almost to the point where I don’t have to wish them good luck because I don’t think they really need it. I know they will continue to work hard and become successful. It’s just what they do, you don’t have to tell them.
But without a doubt I’m going to miss them. Working in radio was my first real job ever (I never worked in high school) so I guess I don’t know what a “real” work environment is like but something tells me there is nothing like the work environment on the Bobby Bones Show. A group of people who can be so cruel making fun of each other but be able to laugh about it because it’s all in good fun. It was like one big family and I’m so happy that I got to be a part of it for the time I was there. It’s going to be weird going into the station and not seeing them….But of course they’ll still be dialed in on my radio every morning.
If you’ve made it this far..thanks reading me spill my guts. If your a Bobby Bones Show listener I encourage you to keep listening to the show. They’re going to be the same people you love but instead of a drum machines and synthesizers you’ll hear twangy guitars and banjos between the breaks…If you’re a member of the Bobby Bones Show, seriously thanks you guys. You took me under your wing and showed me the ropes. I know you guys are gonna be huge in Nashville!!!
Thanks for the laughs we’ve had and I look forward to the ones that follow.
oh and thanks for letting me talk to Donald Glover on-air. that was awesome.
I enjoy the idea of her. She’s perfect in theory. I crave her voice in my ears at a given moment. At times, I would do anything just to see her face. But somehow it all goes away when my urge is fulfilled. When I see her standing there before me. When I finally have her in my arms, I can’t seem to bring myself to feel the way I did before. It’s like I realized that I’ve made a mistake. How does it all just go away? Maybe it’s wanting what you can’t have. Maybe it’s just a build up inside my head that is nothing more than an itch. It goes away with almost no effort.
I could let her walk away. I could let her board the plane. I could never see her again. I could be standing there alone and I would feel nothing. Nothing… and that’s how I know that she will never mean a thing to me.
I caught her lighting candles,
scented ones at that.
I asked her what was the occasion
but she just changed the conversation.
I caught her wearing perfume
and I was sure the smell was new.
I asked what the scent was for
but she just pushed me out and closed the door.
I caught her with a bottle of wine
at a table set for two.
I asked her how she knew I’d be home early
but once again she just ignored me.
Then I caught her in a lie
I could tell her heart had strayed.
At times I thought she was the one
But then I watched her walk away.
It was about 6 am. I was driving home. The road was empty and the sky was still black. I turned on the radio but kept it low. My eyes focused on the glow of the road and the reflection of the highway lamps. I didn’t give a second look to the city as it faded further into the distance. I was running on half a night’s sleep most of which I tossed on turned. I knew I needed sunlight soon in order last on the 3 hour drive.
I pulled over after 30 minutes to get some breakfast. I got what was closest to the road and really it didn’t matter as long as they had a large sized coffee. I was back on the road in no time. Now with a few more cars on the road, their red eyes staring back at me. To the west, still dark and silent. A few scattered stars but nothing I could really make out. But to the east, I caught a glimpse of light. Just a bar of orange exposed on the horizon like light peeking through the bottom crack of a closed door. A few minutes later and the bar transformed to a gradient filling a small area. It was the sun flirting with night sky. Running it’s fingers through her hair and warming her body as it did so. The night began to melt into this light. She was now exposed. I could feel their heat, their chemistry, warming my skin with each individual ray. They filled the entire sky with their endearment in a perfect blend and balance. A well written romance in which no words were ever spoken. It was so beautiful, it went away.
I sat there behind the wheel. I was wide awake with nothing on my mind. Just staring at the sunrise wishing to find something more.
She asked me why I never cuss in my songs. I thought about it for a moment. I guess a moment too long because before I could respond she added “I know which are the ones you wrote about me…” I had never thought of it in that way before. I write about the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the music in my head. It’s a free flow of thought that’s almost like a reflex. But when looking back I guess it’s obvious what was been on my mind at any given time. I guess it’s only natural for her to try and decode their meanings and I guess it’s logical for her to assume they are about her.
But when I think about it that’s not always the case. “There is always something on my mind…it’s not always you” is what I wanted to respond with. I caught myself. That’s a box I didn’t want to open. To me it’s natural to think of the past, to her it would be something against her. But would it be better to admit that they were about someone else or have her think that I was spilling my guts out about her?
I didn’t know what to say. I distracted myself by over thinking that I forgot her initial questions. “Why don’t I cuss in my songs?” I asked myself. Another thing I never really thought about. It wasn’t that I was making some sort of statement of having clean lyrics. I mean I like the way cuss words sounded but they carry a certain weight to them. They lose meaning though the more and more you use them. But when you properly place them into your work they can leave a ringing in your ears. It’s one that says “yeah, that was suppose to be there.” I guess that’s the answer I can come up with in short.
“Well…..” she said.
“Don’t you fucking worry about it.” I responded.
I like to self-diagnose myself with conditions. I don’t know how much of it has some truth to it and how much of it is inside my head. But I’m pretty sure I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. It’s something I’ve dealt with as long as I can remember. I can remember in elementary school where I thought I would die if I was ever late to school. I always had to be there on time. There was one day where I was just a few minutes late. I walked into my class in a frantic state. I noticed everyone was working on a worksheet. I freaked out because I didn’t have a sheet on my desk to work on. I remember I started crying instead of doing the obvious and asking the teacher for one. (which I later found out there was a stack of them at the front of the room.) So when everyone asked why I was crying I made up a lie that my cat had died that morning. They were sympathetic and let me go to the restroom to fix myself up and regroup. I went and wiped the tears away and got through the day.
I never freaked out like that again. But still I couldn’t get myself to skip a day in school. The thought of getting behind on work overwhelmed me. I thought if I don’t go then I’ll have lots of make up work on top of all the new work. Then I might get a bad grade. Then if I get a bad grade ect….. So it always just lead me to go to school instead of skipping. That lasted up until about my senior year to where I skipped a good amount.
But now it has developed into something more. Now it’s the thought of the future that overwhelms me. The idea that what I do now is going to effect me for the rest of my life. The idea that I won’t be young forever is something that scares me in a way. It’s just thinking about the future in general that’s way too much for me. For the most part this all goes down on Sunday evening when I’m looking forward to the week ahead. There is always something coming up that’s hanging over me. I can’t stop thinking about it. There more I do the more it puts me in that frazzled state of mind. It’s a feeling that swirls in my chests. It as if someone is holding me by my shirt and dangling me over a cliff. That mixed with this feeling of restlessness in my finger tips. Then my head swells with thoughts…lots of them. I have nothing else to do but ride it out. Until the feeling fades and I realize there is nothing I can do about it at the moment. I just have to get to it when it comes.
That’s what has brought me to the way I am now. I live hour by hour, day by day. I have a general idea of how my days will play out and I just kinda take them as it comes. I don’t take on too much at once. That’s why I hate when people try to plan things so far in advance. Like someone could ask me now what I’ll be doing some random weekend in November because they want to make plans. I have no idea what I’m even doing next Tuesday, how the hell can I think months in advance. It’s all about the present. That’s what I tell myself.
So yeah. I don’t really know if this is an actual condition or just what everybody goes through. I mean I’ve heard of people taking anti-anxiety medicine and at times I really feel like I might need something like that. Something to calm me down and not feel that way. But then other times I think that it would be crazy to try to cure that with a medicine. Treating mental health is a lot more tricky then say just prescribing something for a cold. It seems like medicine that effects your mind has a lot of side effects that aren’t even worth what they are suppose to help you with.
But I’ll keep it all in mind. I mean it’s not like I’m having severe breakdowns in any way. So I’ll just deal with it all for now.
So it has been a couple weeks since my last post and things have progressed. I was then taking on a whole new schedule with totally flip flopped what I was used to. My sleeping schedule had a dramatic change and by that I mean I actually sleep at decent hours now. I’m a little more settled into everything now. There are still some things I have to get down but for the most part I know what to expect. Everything is going relatively smoothly.
The only thing about it now is that everything is spaced out more. Before I would work weekdays from 4a - 11a or so. Then only on Tuesday and Thursday I would go to school from like 3p - 9p. And that was it. The weekend would come and I would get a couple days to regroup and do it again. I’d love it on Mondays when I could come back from work and be able to sleep as long as I want. But now I got class from Mon - Thurs. I’m there for less hours a day but it’s spaced over four days. A couple of the classes require a good amount lab time so I end up going on Friday’s too. Which sucks the more I think about it. Then my work is just scattered in there. I work one week day. Then the weekend. There’s only one day where I have work and school. So I mean it’s not like any of them are necessarily long days. But it’s set up in a way to where it feels like one big cycle. I really have no weekend. I get out late Saturday. Then I have Sunday.
I just like to have a definite end to the week. It really kept me sane there for a good while. A time where I could get together with my friends and have a good time. I could take a trip back home and visit my parents. Or just stay at home and relax. Now I’m just kinda limited on to what I can do on the weekends.
yeah this post is quite more uninteresting that I anticipated. but it’s just something I’ve been working through. so I’ll keep it here for future reference about my me complaining my dumb schedule. let me try another post!!
Whenever I get coffee in my system I get this fueled feeling to get everything done. I can’t sit still. I can’t really focus my energy on anything though. The best way for me to get it out is to write it out….so here’s my best effort.
A good amount has changed over the past two weeks. I started a new job which as a result I left my current one where I had been for about 2 years. It really freaked me out at first and thinking about it is still kinda of weird now. There was a lot that came with that job. I put in all my effort to get good at it and therefore make an impression that would go on to create opportunity. In that effort it was crazy how much it became a part of me. But I guess that’s what happens to people when they work somewhere. I mean 5 days a week of going in early, putting in some hardwork, getting things done and still having fun in the process is great. It’s hard to just move on from that. But I guess in the circumstances I was in I couldn’t do it forever in those conditions. So I guess I saw the opportunity of this new job to be the next step in my overall goal. It’s all a part of a movement to get me back there someday officially…..It’s all a part of a plan. Or maybe a dream rather. As long as I’m moving forward I guess I’ll be alright.
But starting something new is never easy. Especially when you were already embedded into a routine. Now suddenly you’re working with new people in a different environment. I’m usually good at dealing with change but I’ve developed this thing that I think is referred to as a “fear of missing out.” It’s like that feeling you get say you made plans to hang out with your cousin who you aren’t the best of friends with but you have nothing else to do. Then that same day your best friends invite you to go to the mall with them. But you have to stay with your first promise of hanging out with your cousin even though the whole time you can’t help but thinking of how much fun you’re friends are having. It’s like that but even if they weren’t having fun like they were instead just sitting around doing nothing. You would still feel like you’re missing out. I don’t know it’s weird.
But take all that and add in the fact that classes started this week and it’s information overload. I’ve learned a lot of new things this week and it’s kind of hard to differentiate what goes with what. Some of the information just blends together and I can’t remember what I learned what day and for who it was for. It’s all there but it just takes me a little longer to access it.
I hope all this is just due to the fact that everything is new right now. I just have to get out of that phase and everything should feel more normal….I hope.